twinkle

so classes have been quite interesting to say the least. i currently have to endure 4 hours of pharmacology DAILY, a subject i'm pretty sure i do not have a flair for because i spend about 2 of the 4 hours with a puzzled expression on my face before going off into my own world. :) i AM trying though! i really am but there're so many distracting things everywhere. heh. the roomie, Vampboy and i made a trip to Moscow on thursday for some dinner at the embassy. we spent 7 hours getting there, then about 6 hours at the embassy and another 7 hours on the bus getting back from moscow. it was quite interesting i must say coz we got to meet the Ministry of youth & sports and a deputy minister from the prime minister's department. the Minister's speech was full of ass-licking comments about how students who study in russia are awesome and super hardcore because we can survive russian winter whereas Napoleon apparently couldn't and all that kinda stuff. then yesterday night, a bunch of us went out to a local jazz bar which was quite nice but imo the dude should've just stuck to playing the guitar because his "singing" was in fact moaning some inaudible words into the mic. i'm not even sure if it was english or russian to be honest. so this was just some random verbal diarrhoea because i just suddenly felt that it's been a little TOO long since i blogged. so till next time, cheers. :)

this is my teenage dream

i woke up at 9.30am on a saturday morning and felt a bit lost. i didn't know what to do with so much time on my hands till the open house and honestly, it's now 10.53am and i still don't know what to do. i've actually been youtubing crappy videos online and i'm stalking people on fb to see if they use shoulder pads in the baju kurungs coz mine makes me look like a slightly more feminine purple robocop AND it has sequins on it. i mean is it too much to have sequins on a kurung? as you can see, i'm a tad insecure about my baju kurung now. shit. =\

ok there's something i've been wanting to get out there for quite a while now. a few days ago, it was Malaysia Day. i think it was the first time it was properly celebrated and the people were given a National Holiday. i actually thought it was pretty nice of the government to actually celebrate Malaysia Day properly and honestly speaking, it WAS about time considering we wouldn't be the Malaysia we are today without Sabah and Sarawak, though i'm sure somehow some people are using it as a political ploy to gather votes. if only life wasn't always about politics and self-gain when it comes to these things.

so anyway, at this point of time, i'm a bit fed up of being made to feel guilty everytime i profess my love for my country. if only i had a dollar for everytime i'm shot down when i tell people i actually love Malaysia. it's not like i'm not pissed off at the way the country is run or how we're made to feel like second-class citizens most of the time. there are things i don't like about Malaysia of course. i don't like how everything has a quota and how deserving students are denied opportunities regardless of race sometimes. i think the whole "if you know someone on the inside everything boleh" mentality when it comes to scholarships is crap because people who can afford it are usually the ones getting all these scholarships and those who can't are left uneducated or paying through their nose for loans they can't afford. honestly, HOW IS IT the government cannot afford to give out more scholarships and are therefore cutting the amount given out considerably but YET they can afford to pay millions for the new istana? i mean seriously, does the royal family REALLY need a new abode? =.= then there's the whole issue about special rights and blablabla.

so yea, i get pissed too but i don't think the ONLY thing the country is good for is the food. we're so much more than just our gastronomic offerings. sure, there are more things to be pissed off at then being proud of most of the time. i just feel that sometimes people who say they hate malaysia are seeing things from only one perspective. of course, this is all personal opinion. John F. Kennedy once said "ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country". but then again, if the country doesn't provide for the people and make the people feel snubbed half the time, then i guess it doesn't really apply. SEE. this is why i put off writing about this because i'm contradicting myself, as i usually do. on one hand, i feel patriotic and all this pride for my country but at the same time, i feel pissed off at all the propagandas and missed opportunities that comes with not being of the "right" race. honestly, i feel like a traitor for loving malaysia sometimes. a typical scenario would be me going " i actually like malaysia and it's home" followed by people going " malaysia sucks la.", "malaysia damn useless" blablabla. then when people say singapore is so much better off because they're government is so much better, i get offended but what's there to defend? in a way it's true but it's like people trashing someone you hold dear and eventhough you know they're right, you defend that person.

i'm just really frustrated. it's true Malaysia is not all it's cracked up to be,where race-ridden and dirty politics are prevalent. BUT? i don't even know what's my "but". is there even a "but"? i guess there're no proper explanations to why i love my country. it just occured to me that it's now my generation's turn to step up. unfortunately, i think most of my generation harbors the racism, frustration and bitterness of the previous generation which of course, does nothing for the country. i remember asking a friend why she wasn't going to go to another country to work or what not and she said " if everyone leaves the sinking boat, who's going to stay, to row and save it?" if as a generation we create another racist and frustrated generation, doesn't that make descend into chaos all the more inevitable?

i am grateful that i've never had to experience a war, that i've never been taught to crouch under tables in the fear of having buildings collapse during an earthquake, that there aren't any political riots or any huge riots for that matter, that not all the people in my generation want to jump ship the minute a door opens. i don't actually believe that i'm the only one who believes in Malaysia and it's potential but i was told i was just someone who probably had more faith than everyone else. i don't know la. i just want to be able to say i love my country without being made to feel guilty or like i've betrayed my race. maybe it's because i'm still young and not even half as jaded as everyone else. screw it. it's a free world and i'm allowed to love Malaysia as much as i want and i don't think i deserve to be shot down just because i don't believe in hating her. so yea, i guess i'll just have to deal with the guilt on my own and continue believing that someday more people will love than hate Malaysia.

this is all i have to say

i have decided that it won't stop me from doing what i want or love! so i'm back to blogging! :)

Kau yang punya

so the last time i actually said anything here, i had 13 days left on the countdown before going home. and now, i have only THREE FREAKING DAYS LEFT. shit. the past 10 days have actually been a bit of a blur. there were a few things that were slightly out of the ordinary routine though. honestly, i am so exhausted already. that happy excited feeling of seeing blood and needles have all gone. :/ so i guess i understand why my GP looks so bored with life. i guess he's taken enough blood, Xrays and measured enough blood pressures to last many lifetimes. sigh. will i be like that one day? i really hope not but in a way it's sort of inevitable right? oh well, clock just struck 12 which officially means i have TWO more days before i get on a plane to Dubai then back to KUALA LUMPUR! :) say all you want about malaysia, it's home and there is no other place in the world like it. ok need to crash now. ciao.

p.s: has anyone else noticed how the malaysian music scene is thriving in a way? so awesome. on another note, i refuse to believe that i cannot rock the red lipstick look! hmmph.

under my bed

so i'm finally done with exams and the last minute St.Petersburg trip. i'm about 4 days into my practicals at the cardiology department of the local geriatric hospital. the old people are so sweet i tell you. i think i really like old people. they're all so cute. :) but then again, they're not so cute when they're in the buses and all. but yea, old people FTW. heh. i was actually sort of hoping i got the pediatric hospital though coz children are pretty cute too. but i guess i'd get pretty fed up with all the crying and whatnot.

the past 2 weeks have been crazy. all the studying for my biochemistry exam was intense. i couldn't take the pressure and broke down into tears about 5 hours before my exam. multiple times, i might add, which was really annoying coz then my eyes started becoming tired and wasted valuable study time by sleeping. however about 1 hour to exam, i sort of gave up and decided to just pray about it and leave it to God. so yea, exam was good. :D after that allnighter, we had to plan our trip to St.Petersburg. the trip was so last minute, it was a bit annoying and frustrating to tell you the truth. ST.PETERSBURG IS SO FREAKING BEAUTIFUL. :) seriously. so amazing. i reckon i'll be really bored during summer in the afternoons so maybe i'll do a travel series thingymajig. not like i've been to many places but it's just a thought.

i can't believe i'm going back in 13 days! time passes by so fast when you're away from home. it's mindboggling. it's 4.10pm and i'm tired. so.. time to nap and then wake up and waste my time away by watching crappy videos and cooking chicken rice for the nurses at my department tomorrow. :D ciao.

but you're yesterday's child to me

pancakes, maple syrup, coffee and a little jazz thrown in makes a very very relaxing and awesome Wednesday morning. :) but then the stack of biochem notes i have to study and memorize makes for a not so perfect wednesday afternoon. i have 7days till my last exam and then i'm done wtih 2nd year of MedSchool. CAN YOU IMAGINE? time flies by so fast. in 3 months, i will be in 3rd year and 2 months away from being 19. i feel old yet incredibly young at the same time. perhaps it's because i hang out with people slightly and much older than i am. good thing or bad? i can't decide because on one hand, i've been hanging out with people older than i am since primary school when i decided to skip a grade (people one year older do count as being older right?!) so i probably don't really feel like they're older than i am. i must admit, i sometimes forget my age. :( but then sometimes, i wonder whether i missed out on doing all the stupid stuff people do when they're young because i matured too fast for my own good. oh wait. it just dawned upon me that whatever stupid things people do when they're 17, i did too! just that i was 16 when i did it. so YAY! no youth lost. except being here in Russia, i wonder whether i'm wasting my youth away. 6 years of med school and whatnot. when i graduate i'll be 23. is that old? most of the older folks will probably tell me that being a doctor at 23, the world is my oyster. i really hope i'm not completely drained of energy or hope and that i'm not completely cynical or jaded yet. coz i think that's pretty sad, don't you think? being jaded at 23 will probably suck.

on a happier note, 4 WEEKS BEFORE I HEAD BACK HOME TO HUMID WEATHER AND FAMILY AND FRIENDS AND FOOD. ZOMG food!!! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D will definitely be smiling for days after exam. :) ok. ciao.

how the heart grows wicked

okay i feel a lot better now. things that shouldn't be in my system are in it. ok i just made myself sound like a total druggie. i'm not! promise! :) so yea i wonder whether everyone goes through the same feelings like i do, that whole updownroundandround emotional roller coaster that i do, or am i supposed to trust those rom-com superficial movies that everyone's always happy in life, relationships, friendships and the lot? seriously. somebody tell me already.